For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
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Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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