Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
