Michael Bay diarrhea
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
