Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
