It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
