Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
