you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
