So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me that man meat
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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