come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
