just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
