Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
