did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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