One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
