If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
