I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
