Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
