Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
