Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
