I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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