My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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