hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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