im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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