took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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