hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
