Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
