please come you make the beer taste better
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
