He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
