I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
