Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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