why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
