Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
