My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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