when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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