i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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