Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
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you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
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My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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