she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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