i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
