I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
