We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
