I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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