I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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