we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
