I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
