I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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