I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
