my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
