Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize