and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
