Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
