dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
pop tarts are not kleenex
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
