I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
