How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
