all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have aggressive nipples.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
