so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
