At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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