I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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